you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
