Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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