beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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