In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
