I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
