I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
As shirtless as possible
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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