hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
