If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
