The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
