I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
