I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
