i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
