I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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