So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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