Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
