your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
