She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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