nut hugger
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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