My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
