My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
