Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
