Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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