We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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