I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
