please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
