I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
