It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
