Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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