so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
