oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
