I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
