You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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