I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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