i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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