I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
