i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that's an acceptable place to lick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
