Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
