forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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