i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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