woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
