oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
