I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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