dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
