i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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