Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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