Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
