Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
