My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
