Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
