it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
