I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
