There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
